Listen up, Mint:

Reading the morning paper and choking on my Danish is a frequent experience for me these days. There's just so much more bullshit going down than in previous decades!


This morning? Yes, it was the story about how the Australian Mint have suggested to the government that the 5 cent coin be abolished. It apparently costs more to make than its worth.


Two big things wrong here: 


1. Since when did every friggin coin in the history of the universe have to be its own profit centre?   


2. You want to save money Mint? ABOLISH THE ABSURD 50 CENT COIN!! Or at least downsize it.


Australian coins have to be the heaviest, most cumbersome bunch of pocket destroyers and purse fillers in the - once again - history of the universe! Especially our humongous 50 cent coin. Ugly, heavy and soooo huge. And it must, proportionately, be way more expensive to manufacture than the tiny and victimised 5 cent coin.


I remember way back when some long forgotten government minister introduced this monstrosity, no doubt on the advice of some dud Mint bureaucrat. The rationale for making it so huge, heavy and pointy (I know that's not the technical word) was that little old half blind pensioners would be more easily able to distinguish it from the other coins, especially the 20 cent one. 'Feel the edge, feel the edge - cool, eh'.


Christ! As if our seniors were such a dumb bunch that they'd prefer to be weighed down and rooted to the spot by this monstrous ballast rather than refining their squint when necessary.


And why, just as a matter of logic, is it BIGGER than the one and two dollar coins?


Listen up Mint: rationalise the whole lot of them. That would be a productive and cost efficient way to spend your time.